Discovering Joy: The Journey of Self-Awareness
One of the most common questions I get from clients is, "How do you get to know yourself?" Often, this comes in the context of uncovering what makes you happy or discovering your passions. The answer, in its simplest form, always comes back to awareness.
When you build awareness of your experiences moment by moment, you begin to notice a pattern—a quiet thread of joy and passion already trying to weave its way into your life. But here’s the catch: we often place immense pressure on ourselves to find joy, imagining it as a single, all-encompassing hobby, goal, or action that will magically light up our lives.
In reality, joy doesn’t demand grandeur. It can be as simple and subtle as the way you feel when walking in the forest preserve, sitting by a river, or curling up on the couch with a book while a storm rages outside. These small, everyday moments hold the key to understanding yourself. They reveal the nuances of what uplifts you.
Finding Joy in the Everyday
Self-discovery begins when you notice how your emotional states shift with different experiences. It's about embracing the minutiae—those small, almost imperceptible instances that make your heart feel lighter or bring a quiet smile to your face.
Even in challenging experiences, there’s wisdom to be found. If you feel unheard in relationships, for example, that discomfort is an invitation to explore what you truly want: to feel seen, supported, and valued. This awareness doesn’t leave you a victim of your circumstances. Instead, it gives you clarity to start moving toward healthier relationships or discovering new ways to create emotional support for yourself.
Overcoming the "This is Hard" Mentality
Whenever I explain this to clients, I almost always hear: "That sounds hard to do." And here’s the truth—it’s not inherently hard. What makes it feel hard is the resistance your brain creates.
Your brain resists for a few reasons:
It struggles to imagine the good. If you’ve never experienced the fulfilling thing you desire, your brain may lack a clear picture of it.
It questions your worthiness. Deep-seated insecurities can create the belief that joy or fulfillment isn’t something you deserve.
It fixates on the effort. Thinking too far ahead can overwhelm your brain, making even the first step feel impossible.
Moving Through Resistance
Here’s how to move past those mental roadblocks:
Give your mind something to imagine. If you can’t visualize a joyful or fulfilling outcome, borrow inspiration from others. Read about their experiences, watch stories of people thriving in the areas you’re curious about, and allow those examples to plant seeds of possibility.
Challenge unworthy beliefs. If your resistance comes from feelings of unworthiness or insecurity, spend time examining those beliefs. Ask yourself: Where did this come from? Is it true? What would change if I didn’t hold onto this belief? Then, replace that belief with a more supportive one.
Reel in the overwhelm. When your brain fixates on the enormity of the effort, bring it back to the present. Don’t focus on the entire journey; focus only on the very next step. Often, the first step is as simple as asking yourself, What’s one small thing I can do today to feel just a bit better?
Joy is a Process, Not a Destination
Finding yourself and uncovering your passions isn’t about a singular “aha” moment. It’s a process—a gentle unfolding that happens when you pay attention to the whispers of your daily experiences. As you become more aware of where your joy resides and what your challenges teach you, you’ll find it easier to navigate toward a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
The path may not always be linear, and that’s okay. What matters is your willingness to stay curious and compassionate with yourself as you move forward. Joy isn’t a puzzle to solve; it’s a pattern to notice, one moment at a time.